we broke up and he got another girl pregnant11 Mar we broke up and he got another girl pregnant
Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Wow. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! Do you have a law to fix that? He is not the end all and be all. A month after the abortion, while I waited for my luggage at the baggage claim, three babies surrounded me, all under a year. Hes not obligated to be there emotionally, especially if he made it clear to the woman that he did not want this baby in the first place. How does your law make this fair? And aborting a pregnancy is also something that is a very difficult thing for many women. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. He didnt come chasing after you. Nothing about that makes him the definition of immature or of an asshole. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. You can have a relationship with someone with a child but you have to be ready for it. We're doing great but after a month, he confessed he got this girl pregnant. just like anyone else we were shocked given i was on bc & for me abortion/adoption was just out of the question . But cest la vie. female When he chose to bust a nut in a stranger he took on that risk. Your choice. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A iseeshiny Youre reading waaaayyyy too much into what I said. I feel no connection to my biological siblings, even though they desire a relationship with me. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. April 10, 2012, 4:51 pm. Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. ! And then of course Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK meltdown. Thats true, but by the same token, wait a bit (a few days or at least a full conversation) to see if you can get along with someone on a basic level before jumping into bed with them. Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. Yep. I totally understand. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Fine. never again! Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. Its called lying. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). I cried and felt so depressed. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. Her judgment is irrelevant, but it isnt immoral. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. There were no hard feelings). LW says they were separated for two months. Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). While it is true he has no obligation to someone hes broken up with, he does have an obligation to not go around making babies with women he doesnt even know. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? You can get pregnant on birth control! Hes a real winner. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. Ah, nothing like some good ol Internet fighting. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. Think of the children. Go on about it all you want though. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. SweetsAndBeats Dude, get away from this guy pronto! Come on, though Three times? 6napkinburger He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. I make no exception for men or women. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark.. April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. There is no child at conception very good. And should. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? That is pretty much it. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. bittergaymark April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. I (28F) found out that my boyfriend (30M) is talking to another girl, just a day after we broke up (no proper closure). But woman, grow the hell up. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. The argument is that Im on birth control. is not the same as I will not get pregnant from this sexual encounter. You know how babies are made. When you split up with someone, you SPLIT UP. Guy Friday He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. Still, if I were the LW and I saw my newly reunited BF acting this way about his soon to be born child, Id get the heck out of there. Read the comments. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. lets_be_honest Ahtrue, I reread the letter, and it did say ask not order as I remembered. female Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Even when they both want the same thing. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. During the time we both were studying for the bar, we were on a break. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. Nice way to generalize. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. He wont be a deadbeat dad, as some have suggested. Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. it happens. I can agree with you that the decision about which medical proceedure she under goes after that point is totally hers., Is it any wonder that 40% of the kids born today are bastards?. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. Third, I weep for that child. Please. Really!? No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. If the woman is not required to support a child The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. Liberals only think of themselves. You dont have an obligation to be faithful to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend! Like labor isnt extremely painful. That goes for women as well. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. I love the argument that the women receiving child support are just sipping margaritas all day while getting mani/pedis on this income. reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . We were together for 2 1/2 years, lived together, got a dog together, talked about mar. RunsWithScissors It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. Lots of it. Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. It is never said in the letter that he didnt, and the apparent assumption is that, since the woman said she was on the pill, he must not have used one. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! Anyone would be angry in this situation. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. You know as well as I do that the law is gender biased in effect in not in letter. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. Furthermore, dont tell me what to do with my body and I wont tell you what to do with yours, little girl. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. 2. AndreaMarie I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. Why are you so obsessed with sex? Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. Plenty dont. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. Thats reality. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. I think that is fair. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Therefore, why are you depressed? And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. door to door service. Oh I completely agree! Oh, and I really dislike when every accidental pregnancy letter we get on here because a huge fest for people throwing around you were too stupid to use a condom or you didnt try to prevent pregnancy at all, when we really have NO information regarding what precautions they did or did not take. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. April 10, 2012, 10:24 am. Shutterstock. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. My boyfriend broke up with me when I was 10 weeks pregnant. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. So, in other words, RR, it is a noble thing to give your child to strangers in the hope that he or she is treated well (that the adoptive parents wont abuse them, wont get divorced in a messy way, wont let them fend for themselves, and so on), even though youll have no interaction with that child again, but it is base and vile to have the same lack of interaction but to provide financial support which doesnt in any way affect the mothers ability to find a partner that is right for her. Well, the law is schizophrenic. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Mother hits hard times and ends up going on either Medicaid or Temporary Assistance/Welfare. But, you allowed him to call and you were hoping he had changed. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. .you can call me whatever you like. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. This is your CHILD. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. Unbelievable Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. But in some ways, youre making my point, Francine. Unless Im sure the guy will make it worth my while, Im not going to do it. No, then I would say she is just stupid. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? What happens if you get pregnant? But, the real reason you can't let go is because you feel bad that you've invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. Why you ask? I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . James Felix Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. Dont push him to be with this woman. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! He says it's a mistake and just did it to forget me. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. John Rohan Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. If this woman wants to have the child, then she can have it: why is it up to you or your boyfriend to tell her she cant? reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): A April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. Story. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. Not your body, not your choice. 3) A parent leaving their child with the other parent, especially one they barely know, isnt the same as putting a child up for adoption. Those double standards take up too much room. As far as your relationship with him. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. These are not discussions about angels dancing on the head of a pin there is a child that needs financial support during his/her life. Jimmy has made his choice. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. Iwannatalktosampson He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. Itll take work and patience, but he CAN be a father to the baby, and a partner to you.. One does not need to hate women to find inherent unfairness in current laws. troll label aside, we do get together monthly and burn ex-boyfriends in effigy so hes got us there. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. bittergaymark Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. We tried to explain to my friend who isnt a fan how giving a blow job can make you feel empowered and sexy at the same time. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. lets_be_honest lets_be_honest Its fucking unfair. She got pregnant. Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. He ought to get a vesectomy since this guy is obviously carrying the manchild gene. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. Sorry for the crass language. Birth control isnt full-proof. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. lets_be_honest Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. This dude barebacked some girl, knocked her up, demanded she abort, and then said he wouldnt take responsibility for his child. One is right next to me . You know, I was thinking about that, too. I feel so depressed about everything. That way you will know things like what you both agree to do if she gets preggers, and how soon you jettison him if he goes and has sex with someone else ad knocks her up. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. It would be one thing if he just lashed out in momentary anger/shock, but soon came around to a more sane discussion of options, etc. Where exactly do you live? I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. You deserve more than you are getting but if you accept less you will get less! Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. It's been really painful for me. original. I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. Like being pregnant is easy. Its believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but thats a myth. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Again, no. Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. Bottom line. The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? Add your answer to this question! Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. All that does is make 3 people miserable (both parents plus the child). Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? Actually, the most powerful and damaging ever dont Gingrich, Cheney, Santorum, and Bush spring to mind. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. Womans body, womans choice, womans child, NEVER is it the mans child. I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. John Rohan April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Nice try. While I grant you that the lack of control for men once a pregnancy occurs is, in a sense, unfair, I think there is unfairness on both sides of the issue. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain.
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